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Sweaty palms, racing heartbeat, and a tendency to blurt out really dumb things. Yes, we’ve all been there one time or another – it’s called a crush. Isn’t it just frustrating? You suddenly become so interested in this one person and you find yourself looking around for him/her without thinking twice. You long for their company and often get caught in a whirlwind of emotion, interpreting their every move as an attempt to capture your attention. I have to talk to them, you assure yourself and with a few elbows in the ribs by your friends, you decided to find the courage.

STOP RIGHT THERE. Have you thought this out? You could be diving head-first into sea of confusion, embarrassment and feelings getting hurt. Take your time – take a few breaths…and read on.

Plan It Out

Before you even get to the flirting or seeking attention from him/her, think wisely about why you like this person and if they might like you back. Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I like this person? (As in no peer pressure or other influence). If so, why?
• What things do I have in common with him/her?
• Might this person like me? What are/might be the signs?
• Could it work? Would we get along?
• Do I want a serious relationship with him/her? Or just simply flirting?
• Am I ready and willing to talk to him/her?

Be a Flirt

Flirting is to talk to someone in an amorous or loving way – though not very seriously. You don’t have to like someone to flirt with them; it is a sort of “playing at love” and often friends of opposite genders flirt among each other for fun or amusement. In this case, this is (hopefully) not just for fun – you like this person and might want a serious relationship, and not just some back-and-forth of flirtatious words.

Some people are naturals; they can flirt really easily and if are “rejected” or their flirting is unwanted, they can take it pretty well. Others are not as good and find it a little difficult to talk to their crush without saying something dumb. Being a flirt can be good and bad; your crush may really enjoy the attention or your crush may be annoyed and may not want the attention. It all depends on how and when you do it. Here are a few tips:

• Swearing is somewhere in the middle of good and bad on the flirting scale. It really depends on how and when you use “foul” language. If you’re swearing at the person you’re flirting with non-stop, you’ve crossed the line. However, if you swear jokingly and your crush takes it well, then it’s okay – but don’t push it.

• Complimenting your crush is okay if you do it reasonably. If you ooze over how awesome they look, it might make it uncomfortable for them and others around you who would become all too aware of your flirting. Now, again, it depends on how your crush takes it. If he/she is absolutely delighted when you ooze over them, then it isn’t a problem. The best and safest way to compliment is something simple yet friendly like “nice shirt” or “cool jacket”. Be original but not tacky.

• DON’T BE FAKE. If you suddenly start squealing and talking high-pitched, and this isn’t the norm for you, STOP immediately. Your crush might be unimpressed and disgusted by your fake behavior, and so might your friends and peers. And besides, this isn’t the real you and if your crush ends up liking the “fake” version of you, then he/she doesn’t really like you the way you are. No one really likes a fake – unless they fake it. :P

• Smile! It might seem simple and weird but it really does work. You want to show your crush you’re happy around them and if they notice this, they might feel happy around you. When you smile, your face lights up – it’s true; have a good look in the mirror if you don’t believe me. And besides, smiling takes fewer muscles than frowning (yes, a great excuse for the less active). So go ahead: flash those pearly whites. :)

• Be careful about how you dress – especially for girls. Any exposure to cleavage is definitely an invitation for some sort of flirting or “comment”. Very low-cut tops, triple X mini skirts and fishnet stockings…I wouldn’t recommend either three unless you want to give your crush the impression you’re a slut (no offence to anyone who may dress like this and think otherwise). Yes, clothing and style affects attraction between people but you have to think about what kind of message you want to give. If you want to show off to your crush your new mini-tank, without too much exposure, maybe you could put on a nice open shirt over it or an unbuttoned sweater. Be creative and EXPRESS YOURSELF! Chances are if you look like almost every other girl, your crush won’t really find you very interesting.

Have A Friend Do A Favour

If you don’t think you’d feel comfortable or confident talking to your crush on your own, go to him/her with a friend or two, or have a friend talk to your crush. Unless you have complete faith in the imagination of your friend, it’s best to have a pretty good idea of what they might be telling or asking your crush. You don’t want to put yourself in a very awkward situation where your friend embarrasses you, and your crush never wants to speak to you again. But you don’t want your friend to go over the top and lie about how you feel; maybe it’s a really small crush and your friend exaggerates it and tells your crush how “you’re in love”. Talk it out with someone you can trust and remember it’s all about feeling confident, even if it’s a tiny bit, and having faith in yourself and your feelings.

There is no real A-B-C formula to a perfect relationship or steps to having one; remember these are just little tips and reminders to ensure you have a basic idea of what you’re doing. Despite all rules and limits, the real thing to keep in mind is ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. Your conscience and emotions will lead you to the right place in life, no matter how dumb or impossible it might seem. Remember you can be beautiful no matter what others may say; real beauty really does lie within and if you feel good, you look good. Don’t try to be another “hot” chick the guys all go after aimlessly – be yourself: 100% original. Good luck ladies.

Note: In each issue of BELLE, Manar, will post up at least one article on teen dating and relationships, written from the heart and to the best of her understandings. If you have any questions you’d like to ask or requests about articles, please click here.

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